Before I got married (and divorced) and had my daughter, I was a night owl to the extreme.  It was purely by choice.  I'd wake up in the afternoon and crawl into bed around 6am.  Most of that time I wasn't even working... just being a lazy bum.  Hey, I was what I was.

There are a few things I miss about that time.  The sheer silence of the night when everyone is fast asleep.  The peace.  (At least, until I turned on the tv and plugged in the coffee pot.)  Dancing around in the privacy of my house.  Spreading my papers aaaaallll over the floor as I created stories and poems.  Midnight cooking.  But mostly I miss...

The connection I had with the Great Spirit.  Because at dawn I would take a cup of tea outside and just sit and meditate.  I would ground myself, ground that crazy, sleep-depraved energy and just... feel Her.   It's something I did nearly every morning before bed.

Then I married a right %^$%$# who completely distracted me from my path.  Sure it was still there, I always believed, but I stopped most of my rituals and practices.  Sheer laziness.  I am ashamed to admit it.  When I gave birth, my entire life changed.  For the better!  I realized what was important in my life and hers, and knew I wanted to teach her everything I know.  Like...

Change is inevitable.  If you have kids, you know.  Your whole schedule changes completely.  I have turned into a *gasp* morning person!  I like to go to bed between 9 and 10 pm, although if I could nestle in sooner, I would.  I tend to wake up just before the sun, and as it is summer, that's been more and more early.  I absolutely love it, because it's still so quiet, and I can feel spirits.  What I have been doing is just getting up, brewing a cup of tea, and then plonking my butt down at the computer and working on my novel for about 45 minutes before making breakfast, waking up the little one, and getting ready for work.  It doesn't make me feel connected.  Every morning last week when I woke up, I thought, "Hey, I should go outside."  But then I'd think of everything I have to do and go, "No time."

No time?  What's that all about?  No time for my faith, no time for myself?

But this morning was different.  Last night I went to bed rather late (by my standards, eleven pm!), so when I opened my eyes at 5:23am on the dot I was pretty tired.  But I could see blue light coming through my windows; the sun was about to come up.  I thought, "Now or never."  Made a cup of green earl grey, slipped into my sandals and went outside. 

Bliss.  I hadn't even stepped over the threshold when a sense of calm came over me.  The air was so fresh and cool after the rain last night, and was a welcome relief to the heat we've been having.  The grass was wet, the sky was that gorgeous gray blue and dotted with the last of the rain clouds, drifting away.  Birds chirrped and fluttered from tree to tree.  I sat down (I was bloody tired, after all) on the front step and sipped my tea.  I missed this so much.  After a while I took a walk around the house, noticed the mushrooms popping up in the grass.  It was pure and utter bliss.

I've decided to continue having tea with my Creator.  Who cares whether I'm up all day or all night?  Dawn is dawn, whether it's the first thing or the last thing I acknowledge in my day.  It's something I need to fill my soul, rebuild that connection with nature, and feel at peace.